don't spit out your coffee

Hey Gang!

I wrote all this out last night in my little journal-thingy, and decided this morning that I wanted to add it to my blog. I originally wrote it out so that sometime down the road I could remember all of it. Things tend to get fuzzy over time, and I thought this story was important enough to have an account of for my own personal archive.

I am scheduling this to post at 11:00am so that Cody doesn't see it before we leave for church! I told him last night when I got home from visiting my family that I had a surprise for him that I couldn't tell him about yet. I'll try to remember to come back and let you all know what he thought of his surprise. Maybe even let him guest post if he's willing!

At any rate, here's my journal entry from last night:

Saturday, May 8 9pm

I went to Fremont today in order to spend time with my family. Our plans to get together a couple of weeks ago in Sandusky fell through because Dad had to work. So it was a celebration of his birthday in April, Josh's birthday two days ago, Mother's Day tomorrow, and Taylor's birthday Friday. That's a lot of gift cards!

Shortly after arriving, Dad and Josh went out to cook bratwurst and hot dogs on the grill. After they stepped out and Crystal followed them to have a cigarette, I found myself alone in the kitchen with Mom. She gave me a hug and asked if Cody had gotten his card.

-- This card was a big deal to both Cody and I. Mom and Dad sent a card congratulating Cody on his baptism last week, and it caught both of us quite of guard. It was a huge step for my parents, and none of the significance was lost on the two of us. --

So I told Mom that he had indeed gotten the card, and we were both very grateful as well as touched because we knew it was a big step for her.

Then my mother absolutely floored me. She told me that she had wanted to invite Cody to come today, but my dad wasn't ready.

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Wait. What?

I'm surprised I didn't fall out, to be honest. I have spent eight years convinced that this day would never come. It was essential for my sanity and well-being to not allow room for hope that this odd little relationship would ever be any different. We have all pretended not to see the giant pink elephant in the room for the past 8 years. This is huge.

She said when she suggested the idea to Dad, he said that it made him sick to his stomach. I'm trying not to read anything into that. Dad has similar anxiety issues to mine, so it's not surprising. Beyond that, I don't want to think of the implications of that statement. I can only hope in the stillness of night that my resolve holds firm and I don't become a victim of my imagination.

Mom mentioned that she didn't know that Cody was going to be baptized until Josh said something to her. I told her that I never know what the "rules" are or when they change. She said that I know I can talk to her. Dad's not really ready for that yet, but I can talk to her.

Who is this woman, and what has she done with my mother?!?

Mom told me before I left to "keep praying; it's coming." Well, I'll certainly do that!

She also mentioned, in front of everyone, that she wanted to come some Sunday and hear the choir!

I've decided to wait to tell Cody about this until tomorrow. I want to give this story during our time for testimony at SSCC. It certainly is a testament to God's love!

I don't yet know what all of this means. Is she still of the mindset that I'm living a sinful life and in danger of the fires of hell? Has she actually prayed and read through this issue the same way I and so many others have? Has God turned her heart towards the truth?

I have no idea.

Maybe she has just decided that regardless of who I sleep with, life is too short to have such a stunted and complicated relationship.

I'm not sure where we'll go from here. I just know that right now, for tonight, we've taken a giant step forward.

I'm so thankful to God for the work He's done in my life, particularly in the past year. I am so very blessed!