May 29, 2010

it has finally arrived

You know that day that we all talk about? The one where you suddenly feel like a "real" grown-up? I finally had mine. It was sometime in the last week, and I'm not sure exactly what time on what day that I made the transition, but I realized last night that I may finally crossed that threshold.

First, let me say that updating this damn thing more regularly really IS on my priority list. I enjoy sharing a lot of things on here, and would like to get back into the habit of doing so on a more consistent basis. Not to mention, getting some of the not-so-pleasant stuff off of my chest is quite helpful to me most of the time.

That being said, a lot has happened since last we talked. First of all, the anti-racism team at church, which is the group responsible for getting the new choir started, asked me to be the interim choir director until we find someone permanent (and more qualified!), and I accepted the offer. We had already had our big debut at the church talent show a month prior, but Pastor Allen wanted us to sing the song again this past Sunday for the entire congregation. It was a bit stressful, mostly due to technical issues (like the fact that our woefully inadequate sound system is even more inadequate than I had realized - no monitors on stage!), but when all was said and done, I think the choir did an excellent job.

I'm a little stressed right now since we'll only have two practices to learn I song that I've never even heard before. Our first stab at it will be tomorrow, so sometime tonight I have to sit down and get music printed out and such, all while listening to it over and over so that I can be of some use to the choir tomorrow.

I'm also a little freaked out about what will be happening after choir practice tomorrow. Cody and I are headed to Sandusky to have dinner. With. My. Parents.

I'll give you a minute.

When I had mentioned to mom in an email that Cody and I were not going to be camping this weekend, she called to see if we would be available to meet up on Sunday. I knew that this day was coming, and had started to finally process that something I didn't think would ever be a possibility was now an inevitability. I didn't realize it would happen so very soon. My mom telling me that dad was still having issues made me think that I had a bit more time to deal with it myself.

I had a somewhat long conversation with my mom on the phone after she had revealed her desire to meet. It was important to me to at least know where she was coming from. I didn't want to be surprised with any kind of "attack", whether perceived or real. So it still baffles me a bit, and I still haven't been able to really digest it or understand it, but I do feel somewhat better after that conversation. My mom and dad are taking a big step out of their comfort zone too, so I'm not the only one.

So last night while I was thinking of all that I needed to do this weekend, the realization that I'm a real adult now finally hit me. I've got a lot responsibility to others, as well as myself, and I think that that has a lot to do with it. Also the fact that, even though I am anxious and all the usual emotions, I'm not freaking out completely. It seems I've gone into, "This is your life. Deal with it." mode or something.

All things considered, while I have a lot on my plate this weekend and I'm not sure how I'll accomplish it all, I know that I am and will be fine.

Just as an F.Y.I. though: I don't intend to actually "act" like an adult just because I'm being more responsible. There's just not enough fun in that!

Have a great weekend, gang!!!

1 comment:

Pete said...

I just love this up beat writing. I can actually feel the excitement hidden in the anxiety and it makes me so happy.

I'm also glad you're hoping to find time to update the blog a little more I'm thinking I need to start doing the same. lol.