September 29, 2009

because i still have over an hour before work

  Yeah, I know.  Two posts in one week.  That certainly hasn't happened in a while. 

  I have to be honest though.  I don't really want to post right now.  What I really want is to rewind to about 3pm yesterday.

  That's when I went to the doctor for my follow-up appointment.  Not that I got devastating news or anything.  All my labs came back good.  But a pleasant conversation was not had.  I came home rather aggravated.  It took a while, but I finally managed to spit it all out to Cody and finished up about 5 minutes before his mother arrived for dinner. 

  We had a pleasant dinner (chili! yum!), and his younger brother also came over after he got off work.  By the time we finished dinner and were watching TV together, I was just getting settled in my chair and regretting that the Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkins that I was craving for dessert were all the way in the kitchen.

  Then my cell phone rang.  I jumped up, expecting it to be my brother who tends to call about once a week (he's much more faithful about these things than I am, and thankfully he's accepted his role as the one who has to initiate a phone call), but I saw it was actually my mom.  Ordinarily, I would let my phone go to voice mail when we have company, but since my I hadn't talked to her in a while, not to mention the fact that she gets aggravated that I'm not always immediately available when she calls, I figured I better answer it.

  Oh, how I wish I hadn't.

  I ran upstairs with the phone and went into the bathroom to sit on the toilet lid and have a cigarette while I talked to her since we had company downstairs and I don't smoke in my office anymore.  Sitting out on the patio last night was definitely not an option. 

  She asked me a little about work and I explained what's been going on there lately, and then we talked a little bit about the coming weekend.  Cody and I are supposed to head out to our friend's house this weekend for a clam back (ick!) and the final campout of the year.  My mom and dad want to take my brother and sister in law to Yankee Peddler (an outdoor craft market of sorts that I'm too lazy to go looking for a link), which means we're all hoping for agreeable weather.

  Then my mom asked if I had talked to my Aunt Amey.  The timing was a little odd, but it didn't really throw me too much.  If she gets any "family news", she'll throw a feeler out to see if I'm up to date yet before she repeats a bunch of stuff I already know.  I told her that I hadn't heard from her in about a week or so, and asked what was up.

  Mind you, other than the frustration with the doctor, I had been a pretty good high since Sunday morning.  I had gotten baptized, and Pastor and the worship team at church had used the occasion to create a beautiful service centered around the act of baptism and what it means and an opportunity for the rest of the congregation to remember their own baptism and celebrate it.

  We then went on to have lunch with Pastor and a handful of friends from church, which despite my discomfort with Cody's questionable jokes, was an amazing experience in itself. 

  A brief nap and change of clothes later, we met a group of our friends from church and other circles back at the church for a phenomenal concert.  The event was opened by a local christian singer/songwriter, who was most excellent in her own right.  She did a quick little set with an acoustic guitar, and was quite talented!  Her name escapes me at the moment, so if you're reading this Pastor, please drop her name in the comment and I'll be sure to update the post!

  The main attraction for the evening was Jason & deMarco, a duo formed by two young men who are partners in life as well as in their music ministry.  They were incredible.  Some original songs, some covers of familiar songs (an incredible rendition of Ave Maria which got a standing ovation was one notable example), and a little humor thrown in made for a wonderful evening. 

  There was a reception afterwards, filled with mounds and mounds of yummy cookies and other baked good(ie)s.  Jason & deMarco manned the merchandise table themselves and talked to everyone going through the line in a very personable and authentic way that you don't see too often.  They signed any and every CD when requested, and hopefully got some much needed support for their ministry.

  It was quite an evening, and the perfect cap to an awesome day.  Which is why I was still in such good spirits yesterday before my mom called.  It's also why the blow of bad news she had called to pass along was so devastating.  I would have crashed to earth fairly hard any other day, to be sure.  But to go from such high spirits to what I got last night was pretty rough.

  Apparently sometime Sunday night my cousin was in an accident.  I don't know any details at all, really.  I don't know if my mom just didn't share them or if she didn't know either.  So I don't know what happened or how.  All I know is that the neurosurgeons at the hospital had told my aunt and uncle that there really wasn't anything they could do, and from what I understand, my cousin is at this point only on life support as a means to keep his organs viable until they find recipients for them.

  I managed the news pretty well coming from mom.  The rest of the conversation pretty much consisted of shocked silence on my part while mom promised to call with any updates. 

  I stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes to pray after I hung up the phone, then called downstairs to Cody so I could let him know.  He came up and we went in the bedroom so I could tell him without worrying about his mom or brother hearing me cry.  I wanted to let him know what was going on and that I'd likely be going to West Virginia fairly soon.  And I wanted a hug.  I needed a hug.

  I did cry a little, particularly when I told Cody and while he held me.  Not too out of the ordinary for me.  I don't cry as much as I used to, and while it bothers me sometimes, I'm kinda used to it.

  Cody went back downstairs, and I came in here to write a quick email to Pastor and Bethany to ask for prayers.  I didn't get two lines out before the waterworks started, and once they did, holy crap.  I was ugly crying.  I haven't cried like that in I don't know how long.  I hate ugly crying.  It took me almost 20 minutes to write one little email, because I couldn't see, couldn't breathe, couldn't stop shaking and sobbing.  If I don't go through that again for the rest of my life, I'll be happy.

  Once I finally managed to collect myself and make it back downstairs, I was pretty okay for the rest of the night.  I managed to make it through the evening till about 9pm before I hit the sack with no reoccurence of ugliness, thankfully.

  Then my beautiful, wonderful, sweet and kind dog decided to wake me up at 1:30am.  If I wake up and have to pee, I can go back to bed.  But when it's one of the dogs, by the time I make it through the whole process, I can't go back to sleep.

  So I've been trolling the interwebs all morning, damn near finishing off a whole pot of coffee thus far.  I checked my news feeds, shopped on Amazon, played on facebook (thanks for the survey, Pete), and read a few blogs.  All by 5am. 

  I foresee a significant amount of Mountain Dew in my future.


ellenjane said...

I'm sorry love, about your cousin, and your getting woken up early and everything.
I got your email and I've been praying. I love you.

Katy said...

Dearest Jake,
I read a quote last night in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller... I'm not sure I remember the wording right, but it was along the lines of ... man cannot go through a difficult situation without resulting in a blessing. When I get home I'll get the exact quote.
I'll be praying for you and Cody and your family and your aunt and uncle.
I love you lots and lots with big hugs!

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.-Psalm 34:18

Pete said...

As happy as I am that there are two posts in one week, I'd rather go a month without any posts if it meant no news like that.

It also makes me want to reach through the screen far enough to give you a hug and after several failed attempts I must stop before I break an arm.

There is never anything to say in situations like this that can ease the pain or make it easy on anyone, so if you don't mind I'll just sit here in silence and pray and be with you and your family in spirit.